Tell Me a Funny Joke Pls Im Bored Xd Noob
A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'
As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"
Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear...
You're better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away
I just bought a border collie
The one I already had wasn't bored enough.
Two Zombies Are Having A Conversation..
Two zombies start talking about their past lives as humans. The main talker is rambling on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second starts walking around normally, not stumbling into everything. The first is amazed and stares at him. "How.. did you do that?", he asks. The second realizes what he's doing and stops, looking back to the first. "Oh, I'm sorry. You just bored me back to life."
Why did the Hobbit put his phone on silent?
Because he was bored of the rings!
Is it possible to be bored to death?
That all depends on the drill.
Asian Keanu
Asian Keanu arrives at party.
Asian Keanu gets bored.
Asian Keanu Reeves.
Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?
You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.
What was the bored pasta found doing?
Stroganoff.
What does a slave driver do with his slaves when he's bored?
He racism.
Obama walks into a bar.....
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
You can explore bored antsy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bored destinations dad jokes. There are also bored puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Relationships are like a seesaw.
If one of you gets too bored or too fat, the fun's over.
How do bored cows sound like?
Meh
What do you get when you watch a lumberjack chop down a tree?
Back when I went to college, we didn't have Netflix and Chill.
We had Room and Bored.
Two midgets are sitting around, bored...
When one of them pulls out some weed and asks:
"Wanna get medium?"
When you're feeling bored and unsatisfied with life, just remember...
That there are some people who think Golf is interesting.
What did the mountain climber name his horse?
Everest. Any time he is bored I see him Mount Everest.
The god Thor is bored one day and decided to try out having sex with a mortal woman...
He heads down to earth and finds a beautiful young woman. Pouring on the charm, he convinces her to go to bed with him. He goes back to her place and enjoys her in every possible way, absolutely plowing her with all his god-like strength and endurance. 7 hours later, he rolls off. She's laying there, gasping and panting, shaking, and exhausted from the most incredible sex she's ever had in her life. She can't even speak. All she can do is stroke his chest with a trembling hand. He understands her point, though. He was amazing.
"I've got a confession to make," he says. "I'm actually Thor."
"You're thor!? I'm tho thor, I won't be able to thit down for a week!
What does my dad do when he's drunk and bored?
Beats me
The clock was bored of his tick-tock...
...so he changed to a better tack-tick.
Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door
The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" The Jehovah's Witnesses look at each other and says to the houseowner, "We don't know what to say, we've never made it this far."
My girlfriend is getting bored of my obsession with pretending to be a detective, she's suggested we should split up.
It's a good idea, we'll cover more ground that way.
I'm bored
Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on.
How to tell someone they have a bad breath nicely ?
"Oh boy I am bored lets brush our teeth"
A guy is bored of sex with his wife
* Friend: But whats wrong then? Why are you bored?
* Man: I just don't know man, it's not there anymore.
* Friend: Did you already try to spice things up and be a little creative?
* Man: Creative, what are you talking about?
* Friend: Well, we like to get into role playing and play doctor for an hour. Works every time.
* Man: A whole hour?!? How do you keep that up?
* Friend: First I leave her in the waiting room for about 45 minutes.
Today I was so bored that I put a bit of sugar right in front of an ant.
The ant spent some good minutes eating the sugar, as it left to call his other ant friends, I cleaned it up so they would think she's lying.
Adam's discussion with God
So Adam is walking around the Garden of Eden and he calls out to God that he's kinda bored and lonely. He asks God if he can create someone who is kind and admires and serves him(Adam) in every way. God responds He can, but it's going to cost an arm and a leg, so Adam asks what he can get for a rib.
Dad: I gave all your toys to the orphanage
Kid: Why did you do that dad?
Dad: So you won't get bored there.
Physics Joke
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are all hanging out and bored so they decide to play hide and go seek. Einstein decides to count first, and as they are counting Pascal leaves to hide in a bush. Newton on the other hand draws a box under himself and just stands there. When Einstein is done counting he walks up to Newton and is like,"Newton, you're not even hiding". Newton then says,"Ah, but you found Newtons over meters squared! You found a Pascal!!".
I was a bit paranoid about my sexual prowess after catching my wife filling in a Cosmopolitan questionnaire -
"Is Your Man Bad In Bed?".
"It's just something to do when I'm bored" she protested.
"That's a relief," I replied, as I carried on thrusting.
What game should you play if you're bored in a bus full of indians?
Connect the dots.
Soon after my girlfriend got pregnant, I got scared. She then got angry and shouted! Then I got high and vanished.
Then we both got bored of Scrabble and had sex.
What did grandma and grandpa do before there was Internet?
I mean, didn't they get bored?
I asked my 32 uncles and aunts, but they didn't know either.
Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!".
So I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy!
What does Harry Potter play with when he's bored?
Ginny Weasley's emotions.
When I'm bored I love seeing how many different watches I can strap onto my wrists.
I have too much time on my hands.
Two couples are getting bored with their sex lives, so they decide to swap partners
After a night of wild passionate sex, Mike wakes up, rolls over, kisses his new lover, and says, "Last night was absolutely mind-blowing! Come on. Let's go see how the ladies made out."
The father says to his son: "I brought all your toys to the orphanage."
The son answers: "Why did you do this?!"
"So you don't get bored."
I was tired and bored one night, so I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, What'll you have? I said, Surprise me.
He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
What did our parents do when they were bored with no internet?
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.
After Astronomers discovered the Earth rotates about an axis...
They got bored and decided to call it a day!
What does a buffalo do when it's bored?
It goes ka-yaking.
Courtesy of my 10 year old
I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...
I've got way too much thyme on my hands
Noah was feeling bored on the Ark
His wife said, "Why don't you go outside and fish for a little?"
Noah agreed, grabbed his fishing pole and went out on the deck to fish.
He comes back in 10 minutes later, sits down, and pouts.
His wife asks him, "Why did you stop fishing?" and he says,
"I ran out of worms."
A friend of mine used to be a stripper but she got bored with it.
It's always the same old thong and dance.
Millennials have such short attention spans
Says the generation that got bored of going to the moon by the third time
I've been bored recently so I have decided to take up fencing.
The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band.
But I got bored and quit because it was just one ting after another.
I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
Scientists got bored of watching the Earth rotate every 24 hours...
...they decided to call it a day and go home.
What did our parents do when they were bored back in the days before the internet or video games?
I asked this question to my 24 brothers and sisters too...
Lads if you are bored! Phone up women's rights groups...
And ask to speak to the man in charge.
What do you call a bored rich person?
A politician
Last week I was bored, so I decided to swap around the labels on my wifes spice rack. So far, she hasn't noticed.
Mark my words though, the thyme is cumin.
I got a bit bored on a long highway drive and started scrolling through the various voice choices on my GPS.
There was a USA accent, a French accent and even an Australian accent. Then I noticed "Wife mode". So I selected it, and nothing seemed to happen, until about 10 miles later the GPS said,
"So, if I died, would you get a new GPS?""
I want to get a border collie.
The one I have isn't bored enough.
Do you ever get bored on the internet
and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
I've been bored lately so I decided to take up fencing.
The neighbors said they'll call the police unless I put it back.
When I'm bored, I like to call a Best Western hotel, and when they answer, Best Western...
I answer, True Grit, then hang up.
2020 is like when you where playing SIM CITY 2000
You got bored and started clicking on all the disasters menu options at the same time
Dad: I'm giving all your toys to an orphanage.
Son: Why?!
Dad: So you won't get bored there.
Newton, Einstein and Pascal meet in Heaven.
They're bored, so Einstein suggests they play hide and seek. Einstein starts counting to 10. Pascal runs to find a good hiding spot, Newton on the other hand stays in place. He draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square with chalk on the ground and stands in it. Einstein finished counting, turns around, notices Newton and says: Ha, gotcha Newton! , but Newton just replies: Nah man, you got Pascal.
Father: Son, i donated your toys to the Orphanage.
Son: Why did you do that?
Father : So you don't get bored there
If you're ever bored
Just go punch an orphan, what is he gonna do? Tell his parents?
Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion
After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.
The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.
Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"
My son was upset that I gave all his toys to the orphanage.
I just didn't want him to get bored over there.
Quarantine has me really stressed and bored so I've been trying that Chinese thing with the needles
You know, heroin
When I'm bored...
I text a random number and say "I hid the body now what".
Thor was bored with life on Asgard and one day decided travel to earth to entertain himself.
Whilst here he happened upon a beautiful maiden and the pair hooked up that evening and made love all night, with Thor slipping out in the early hours.
Back in Asgard Thor felt bad for the fair lady about slipping away never too be seen again and thought he at least owed it to her to explain things - so he made his way back to earth to find her.
He bumps into her again. "Hi' he states 'I think I should explain - I'm Thor"
"*I'm Thor"?!* The lady retorted, "I can hardly thit down!"
So today I had an idea for an invention because I was bored. A belt made out of watches.
After I finished connecting the watches to one another I realized something.
It was a big waist of time.
What did the hole in the ground say to the oil rig?
I'm bored
Last night I was bored so I entered a drinking competition in a japanese restaurant
It was only for the sake of it
A World War 2 joke
Stalin and Hitler died and were recieved in Hell by Satan.
Satan asked them to wait in the guest cabin, because he had to search for the worst place in Hell for both of them (it had been a long time since some one so evil had come to his abode) .
While waiting, Hitler got bored and asked Stalin to tell him a joke.
Stalin said one word, "Moscow."
Hitler, after a long and hard thought, replied, "I don't get it."
Stalin laughs merrily and says, "Exactly."
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."
Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"
"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"
That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"
"And who will you be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach."
I asked my uncle what he used to do when he got bored at my age. Never got an answer...
From him or his 24 kids.
Karen
My mum usually complains about everything but lately she's gotten bored of it. I guess you could say that she's past the point of Karen.
Sometimes when I'm bored I put makeup and little wigs on marijuana cigarettes.
That might sound dumb to you, but I think it's pretty dope.
I was bored so I made a robot to distribute herbs
It helped pass the thyme
Bored with the carefree life, Timon and Pumbaa decide to join the workforce as software engineers
On their first day at work, Pumbaa's code keeps returning errors for several hours. Finally, Timon says: "Why don't you take a break? I'll fix you some bugs."
Killing Time.
Lads if you are bored! Phone up women's rights groups...
And ask to speak to the man in charge.
Scientists watched the earth revolve for 24 hours
They got bored and call it a day!!!
Not mine. Just passing on.
You're stuck at home with nothing to do, what do you play?
Bored games!
In ancient times, people watched the earth spin for 24 hours.
They got bored though, so they called it a day
Early scientists watched the world spin for 24 hours. Then they got bored...
...and called it a day.
I have been bored recently, so I decided to take up fencing.
The neighbours keep demanding that I put it back.
I got bored watching the Earth turn
So after 24 hours, I called it a day.
When I am bored I enjoy rubbing dried herbs into my palms.
I have way too much Thyme on my hands.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/bored-jokes.html
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